Blog by Claire

“How can so much love be inside of you?”

                                                       Stevie Wonder

This particular song is our family song.  I used to dance to it with my dad at family and friends’ weddings.  I lost him to heart disease in 1997,  but he is never forgotten.  I keep him - forever - in my heart.

My mother, however, is blessedly still with me and I’d like to write you, in my final blog, a little bit about her and what she means to me.  How her iron-clad belief in me has led me to start publishing regularly as a freelance writer.  Something which was once only a dream…

For years now, I have lived with my mom (”Bets”) and it is she who allows me to have this great, almost inexplicable opportunity each and every day:  of living with someone who greets each morning, each day like a special gift.  It’s in the lilt of her voice and the welcomeness of her smile.  

When I sometimes continue to fight my bouts of depression and anxiety, through tears and worries and hand-wringing,  my mother cuts right in on me:  “Fly away with me!”  she’ll say. “Sing with me, the one about the bullfrog.” (She means “Joy to the World” by Three Dog Night.) 

My mother gets song names and movie titles and dates all mixed up completely wrong but the funny thing is - she gets living right.  We’ll sing some silly song and somehow I have to laugh and I don’t feel so badly anymore.   That’s part of her gift.

I want to share a little about her with you because I can safely say she is the most unusual person I know.  I say that not because I have a major mental illness and she has literally saved my life in the past, not because we’ve done emergency rooms and psychiatric hospitals together, Bets holding my hand and telling me to “Hold tight.” 

I say it because she has always believed in my resiliency and I know no one more optimistic about, well,  just about everything.  Especially my future.

No one who would look at the trajectory my illness was taking when I was very sick in the 80’s and 90’s and off medicine and still say, “She’s back on again.  We’re so proud of her.  She’s going to do just fine.” As she told a friend of mine who called concerned after my 9th? time in a hospital.  She said my mom sounded so very confident and optimistic.  Are you picking up the Bets approach to life here?

My brother tells a story about my mom and optimism which I would like to recall for you.  Seems my brother had a friend from high school who was on my mom’s ward (she’s a retired pediatric nurse).  He had broken some major bones in a horrific car accident.  No matter how much my mom cajoled him, she could not, after days stretched into weeks, get him to get out of bed and try to walk again. 

Finally she said, “What is it going to take to get you out of that hospital bed, young man?”

“Oh, go over in the corner and stand on your head and I’ll get out,” he said, turning away.

So what did my mother do but march to the corner, cup her hands on the floor, try to put her feet up, kick them a few times in the air, until she finally toppled down harmlessly, adjusted her uniform, brushed herself off and marched back to the bed. 

The kid said he could not stop laughing but when Bets threw back those covers, he got out of that bed.

That’s just one story of my mother’s grit and determination, spreading sunshine but in her own unusual way.  Sometimes I don’t think my days start until I hear her happy ”Good morning!”  Then it seems the day is going to be just fine.  No matter what lies ahead.

And now that my mornings are better and brighter, now that I am starting to write for a magazine and the local newspaper, I look back to the sad, dark times and realize I wouldn’t have made it without her own particular brand of sunshine - shining on me. 

I can hear her saying, “Fly with me, sing with me…” I now believe a lot is ahead for me because Bets was there beside me.

As Stevie Wonder puts it:

“I feel like this is the beginning.”

 I thank you - with a full heart - for reading,

Claire

“Because of deep love, one is courageous.  Because of frugality, one is generous.”

                                                                                 Lao Tzu

You’ve got your paper and pencil and calculator out.  You’re ready to better budget!  Let’s get started:

As I said in an earlier blog, see if any items can be cut back.   If you think you’ve already cut back as far as you can, look at your list again.  There may be at least one or two things you can cut back a little bit further. 

How about your lunches out?  Bringing a homemade lunch to work of yogurt or a sandwich will help you save.  And don’t join in with the office crew when they order in.  Just sit next to them and feel smug about saving that $10 (!) 

Try to cut out fast food treats for yourself and your family altogether.  You’ll be doing your health a favor as well.  If you crave McDonald’s, try to order just that small kid-sized Happy Meal to get the taste of what you are seeking. 

When you do eat out, order water for a beverage only.  It will help keep your bill down.   I always ask for ice water with a slice of lemon.  It’s almost like tart lemonade and it’s free and refillable. 

On another topic, off the top of my head!, so to speak, I’ve grown my bangs out and my hair out of its layers so it can continue to grow without having one of those high maintenance, frequent-cut-needing styles.  I now skip on the very, very expensive hair salon more often.

As my blog has recommended, when you’re at the supermarket, shop as frugally as possible, use coupons, and forget the name brands whenever possible.

Need I say it again, okay, I’m a repeater:  Cut out all unnecessary spending.  Be frugal to the max.

Use your local library!  For books, newspapers and magazines.  It’s what it’s there for.

Pay off your debts even in small amounts.  It will take time but you will be making progress. 

If you have extra clothing you don’t wear, try selling some at secondhand shops.  Never worn old, beaten-up watches and jewelry can be brought to your local jeweler for an assessment and possibly some quick cash.  Only for those things without sentimental value though.

Forego birthday, graduation or anniversary gifts for the time being except for the homemade variety.  My past blogs give tips on what you can make, bake or create by hand. 

Here’s a tough one:  Can you get by without driving to work?  The gas savings could be substantial.  Is public transportation an option in your area?  If so, it pays off to use it.

It may take some time to balance your budget, but it’s worth the effort.  Soon you will know where every penny goes.  And speaking of pennies, don’t forget that coin jar.  You’ll like the feeling of rolling the coin and taking a real “chunk of change” to the bank to be deposited. 

Keep trying and look for all the little changes you can make.  Sometimes we all have to start small to reach new heights.  I’m still rolling…

Warm wishes,

Claire

“It’s clearly a budget.  It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”

                                                        President George W. Bush

To me, balancing my budget seems kind of simple at first:  there must be enough in-come to cover what is out-going.  In other words , if your purchases are totaling more than your income, you may be in trouble.  Here are some thoughts on how to sit down, get out a piece of paper and budget better:

Right away, you may be tempted to make up your diference by taking out another credit card.   Afterall, the offers come almost every day in my mail.  But what if your income decreases, your health deteriorates, you’re out of work for a while or lose your job altogether.  Credit cards still have to be paid off.

Depending on what kind of debt(s) you have, you may think you’re already living a pretty good life.  But when you sit down to pay your bills and you see the debts soaring with price hikes, you know you’ve got to do something.

Let’s get started on creating a balanced budget.  You’ll need a calculator unless you’re Einstein.  I make a list of my monthly bills that includes rent, some utilities that I am responsible for, the phone bill, groceries’ share, computer Internet fees, prescriptions and now it makes sense to add gasoline to my list.

I add these up and hopefully, they will come in under my total of monthly income.  Then I add to the list everything else:  such as quarterly car insurance, car repairs, trips out of town, clothing, and eating out.  Do I still have enough income?  Luckily, I just barely do. 

As I paraphrased above, “your outgo must not exceed your income.”  So if it already does exceed it, you’ve got to get to work to bring down your expenses as soon as possible.  If you happen to have a surplus now and then, I recommend you do what I do and save it for emergencies. 

If your budget is short, sit down and study it closely.  In my next blog, I will go through it with you hypothetically and give you some ideas on what can be cut back. 

Don’t panic.  Help and a #2 pencil are on the way.

Warm wishes,

Claire

“We’ll always have Paris.”

                                           Casablanca

Here are some ideas for you movie lovers out there.  Going to the movies has become an expensive proposition.  So a few tricks to keep your flick habit in check:

Your local entertainment coupon book: usually offers reduced movie tickets from $5 to $6 each.  So check these books out when you see them in stores and restaurants. 

Also keep your eyes open for special promotions: run by your local supermarkets.  If you happen to live near a Safeway, be on the lookout for something called “The Flicks for Free” promotion.  This spring, it offered two free movie passes to shoppers who bought $40 worth of participating products. 

Go drive-in:  If there’s a drive-in in your town or nearby, pull on in.  Even though these theaters are considered old-fashioned, they show new releases.  At the bargain price of $7 per person per DOUBLE feature. 

A few drive-ins don’t even charge for kids.  Concession fare is also somewhat cheaper too. 

Think Independent: theaters where the new releases show up about a month or so later can save you 70% or so, advises a web frugal living newsletter.*

Go big or go without:  If you must have soda or popcorn at the movies, go big.  According to the newsletter, many theaters offer free refills.  Hey, I didn’t know that!  This trick works best for groups of people.  If you’re going alone or with a buddy, try to do without the high-priced snacks at all. 

Go at off times:  Did you know that Friday and Saturday nights are the most expensive times to go to the movies?  Matinees are your ticket where costs can sometimes be about half the high-volume nights.

Finally, there are drawbacks to going out to the movies at all.  Rambunctious children, annoying cell phones, then the costs alone.  Can make for a ruined evening.  You can’t pause or rewind.  Let’s contrast going out with renting the DVD yourself.  For the money spent at the movies for one night you can rent a few mailboxes worth of Netflix.  That’s a lotta movies.

Plus, when you’re watching the DVD, you’re at home.  You can pause, rewind and best of all, watch in your pajamas.  You’re on your own couch in your comfort zone.  Want refreshments?  For what you would spend at the theater you can afford to have a few friends over.  Staying at home is the more frugal of the two options by far.

After all, do you really want to spend $5 on a bucket of popcorn when you can microwave to your heart’s content at home for the same price?

Think local, act local.

Warm wishes,

Claire

*www.livingonadime.com

“Cash money, that green, cold cash, that’s the scene.”

                                                 Adventures of Stevie V.

When times are hard, it seems you never have enough green to pay your rent, meet your bills and treat yourself or your family once in a while.  I heard a co-worker say the other day that she couldn’t take her kids out for ice cream at all this summer and that hurt her deeply.  I also felt badly for her. 

Something’s gotta give and here are some more tips to get you started towards saving so you have a little for the extras in life:

Combine errands into one trip - I’ve mentioned this tip in my blog “Baby, You Can Drive My Car” about saving gas while you drive.  Try to combine errands into one daily or better yet, one weekly trip.  The less gas you buy, the more cash you have.  You can also set up a carpool with local friends or try to walk to your nearby stores.

No more expensive gifts - When you need to create more cash, spending money on expensive store gifts for your family and friends doesn’t cut it.  When you’re short on cash, buy secondhand or make homemade gifts such as photography art cards (”How to Save Money on Greeting Cards” blog), homebaked goodies such as breads and cookies and handmade crafts like knitted scarves and sweaters. 

See the tips in my past blog “Warm Heart/Warm Home.”  Reciting a special poem or writing a heartfelt letter are two more ways to gift and honor someone with something they’ll cherish forever and to save your money.  These gifts mean more than any store-bought trinket.

Reconsider your health club - My blog about walking around in your neighborhood or out in the country made the point:  if you’re able, walking is one of the best exercises for you and it’s free, free, free.  If you don’t have an area in mind that’s good for walking, consider your shopping mall.  Many open early so people can walk briskly yet safely (no rain, ice or snow to worry about).

Start making and selling your own handcrafted products - This is a list of handmade products I came up with for selling your own handiwork:  photography cards, birdhouses, plants and flower bouquets, herbs, quilts, veggies, baked goods, homemade breads, jams and jellies, and Christmas ornaments.  You could even sell your homemade lemonade (100% natural) for a higher fee at an arts and crafts festival where there’s a lot of foot traffic.  And thirst!

Host your own garage sale - When I told my friends I was writing about saving cash, more than one recommended I have my own garage sale.  Seems they have tried it in the past and have had some excellent results.  They found it a quick way to make ready cash.  More on this tip to come…

Warm wishes,

Claire 

“Ah, how little you know if you think that honey is sweeter than cash in hand.”

                                                                                                      Ovid

Ways to Increase Your Cash Flow

The economy is in trouble.  Gas prices are skyrocketing.  Simply going to the grocery store is becoming scary.  Whether you suddenly need more cash to make ends meet or are working hard to get out of debt, here’s some of my and the web’s* ideas for increasing the cold hard cash in your wallet:

Watch what you buy - This is probably the quickest way to create more cash.  It’s something you can easily do.  If you think you’ve already cut back as far as you can, think again.  Keep a Spending Journal and write down all of your expenditures for a month.  You’ll find something, somewhere that can be cut.  No matter how small, start a savings.  Keep a coin jar and work on filling it.

Cancel newspapers and magazines - Cancel your subscriptions and pick up copies of the papers or journals at the library.  Read them there or some libraries, like mine, let you take them out for a week.  Splurge on the Sunday paper once a week at your local convenience store.

Stop buying expensive new books - Did I say it before - it’s all about the library!  Find good things to read from there instead.  Many libraries will even order new books for you for free.  All you have to do is ask and wait a bit.  I do this all the time.  You can also try selling your old books to secondhand bookstores for cash or credit.

Use coupons - Don’t toss those coupons out with the trash, it’s almost like throwing away c-a-s-h.  Take a few moments each week to clip out just the coupons you will really use.  Your store receipt will reflect your savings.  More on this to come.

No name brands, well, almost - You can save a lot buying store brand foods, which are almost just as good.  Especially when using the item in a recipe with other ingredients.  Splurge now and then on your favorite name brand but as a rule, go store brand. 

Get a lite second job - Try to find something where the hours dovetail nicely into your existing job.  Also perhaps not something real strenuous.  Maybe your local library is looking for someone to check books in and out.  Ask your friends what they think would be a good second job for you.  Try not to pile on too many hours or heavy lifting.  Think lite such as senior companionship, tutoring in a subject you excel in, music lessons if you’re so gifted, sewing - ditto, typing papers and manuscripts on your computer.

More hunting to do, more ways to save cash to come.

Warm wishes,

Claire

*www.moneycentral.com

“Be the first penguin.”

                                 Randy Pausch

As I said in my last blog, I loved! this absolutely free book. It helped me think about my life in different ways.  

I admire the way this man’s mind works, an engineering professor facing terminal cancer, and the wonderful life lessons he leaves for us in his last lecture and this book.

He comes up with gems like, “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”  He goes on in this chapter called “Be the First Penguin” to describe his First Penguin Awards given to those students who had the best failure in the class, who came thisclose to pulling off something really outstanding but didn’t make it.  They are to be awarded! 

“Experience is also the most valuable thing you have to offer,” the author writes.  He called his First Penguin Award “an award for glorious failure” and named it after the little tuxedo guys who have to jump in the water when they know predators are waiting for the first few.  As Pausch puts it, “Somebody has to be the first penguin” so the winners were inventive and  brave. It celebrated out-of-the-box thinking. 

Pausch said dealing with failure is practically essential in life.  This professor’s last lecture celebrates the inevitable.

He goes on to praise “The Lost Art of Thank You Notes” and maintains that writing out a thank you note in today’s busy, electronic world can make the difference between getting into a school that’s competitive or a job that’s coveted and being one more application put into the rejection file.  What I like (alright, practically love) about Pausch is how he stands up for the little guys. 

In his chapter on thank you notes, he recalls a student trying to get into his elite program who sent a thank you note to the Carnegie Mellon student who met her at the airport.  Now this person had no say in her acceptance or rejection.  He or she just went out of their way to help and the applicant wanted to send along thanks.  That’s  what got Pausch’s attention.  The small gestures in life.  The student was accepted.

“All You Have is What You Bring With You”

This chapter might be called “Be prepared” like the Boy Scouts.  Pausch talks about a student who had a major presentation to make to a crowded room.  Suddenly at the start his overhead light went out.  The room groaned.  “There’s nothing to worry about,” the student said about his make-or-break moment.  He calmly walked over to his knapsack and took out a spare overhead light bulb.  The professor uses this story to teach us to be over-prepared in life.  Ask questions to ourselves as to what might happen.  Come with an extra light bulb, so to speak.

He doesn’t slight the Girl Scouts as he has another section entitled, “Send Out Thin Mints” which he encloses with his requests for colleagues to review his papers.  He sticks a note on the box that reads, “To be eaten after you review paper.”  He calls and asks if they’ve eaten their cookies and they totally “get” where he is coming from.  What a clever way to sweeten up a difficult task.

Finally, he sums up a decision we make in life to be a Tigger or an Eeyore.  To be full of life and bounce and spark or always down and complaining.  He frames his argument about life choices in a simple children’s tale.  This professor is such a Tigger.  He actually writes, “I’m dying and I’m having fun” as he prepares his last lecture.  He is an inspiration to all of us about using time wisely.  He is the ultimate First Penguin and I can’t help but applaud him.

You soar, Randy Pausch. 

Warm wishes,

Claire 

“People living deeply have no fear of death.”

                                                                   Anais Nin

I don’t know if this is true but reading Randy Pausch’s book “The Last Lecture” (which you can get free from your library if you’re willing to wait a little) showed me someone who has lived deeply and is actually enjoying his final days. 

But the engineering professor initially faced a dilemma:  He had been told he had months to live with liver cancer and wanted to leave a message about life for his three kids that they would always remember.  In doing so, he teaches all of us what it means to have a happy life.

His solution was a “last lecture,” which apparently is a common practice at universities.  Professors are asked to pretend they’re dying and to pass along what means most to them to their students.  In Pausch’s case, there was no pretending.

The book fleshes out a speech Pausch gave at Carnegie Mellon where his classes were popular and packed.  This “last lecture” was videotaped and picked up by the Internet then seen around the world in a matter of days.  In the book (which I loved) he gives us his tips and advice and life lessons for having a meaningful time here on earth regardless of the life span we have before us.

For instance, one of his childhood dreams had been to work as a Disney Imagineer when he went to Disneyland as a boy and fell in love with the place. 

His dream came true when Disney considered hiring him on sabbatical for six months to work as an engineer on their Aladdin attraction. He faced a brick wall when one of his bosses dismissed his plans.  But as Pausch tells us, brick walls are there to make you prove how much you want something.  Determination is required in life.

He ended up being allowed to go work at Disney and his fantasy came true.  As he said, “I had finally arrived.  I was an Imagineer.”

This book is full of stories of dreams coming true and others not coming true (playing with the NFL).  It requires two blogs by me just to convey the sheer hopefulness of this man.  Here I will end with the story of his wedding day balloon ride which includes a dose of romance reality for all of us.

On his wedding day, Pausch and his wife Jai boarded a hot air ballooon to make their intended-romantic exit from the ceremony.  They wanted something fantastic and spectacularly and literally “over the top” to mark their union. 

Unfortunately, the balloon crashed through some trees on its way up, and then once there, no place could be found to put it down.  Pausch and his wife and the ballooner running the trip searched desperately for some open fields in the suburbs where the balloon had blown off course.

Finally they found one but the engineer in Pausch couldn’t help but notice train tracks cutting through it and a steaming train on its way. The ballooner told them it was their only hope and to “run as fast as you can” when they came down.

Jai was in her wedding gown and Pausch in his suit and both feared for their lives.  The balloon came down safely missing the train but landed hard and bouncing.  Motorists fled their cars on the highway and ran down into the field to assist.  Everyone was very shaken but okay.

Pausch’s telling final take on the “romantic” balloon ride was his incredulity at the ballooner’s offering them at that instant a cheap bottle of champagne because they’d ordered the “wedding package.”  It was dusk on their wedding day and Pausch, who loves his wife deeply and praises her in these pages, said that they’d made it this far.

The chapter is entitled, “Not All Fairy Tales End Smoothly.”

What a life lesson. 

More Pausch wisdom to come.

Warm wishes,

Claire

Pausch, R.  2008.  The Last Lecture.  Hyperion.  New York, NY.

“I can’t think of any sorrow in the world that a hot bath wouldn’t help, just a little bit.”

Susan Glasee

The Bath Beautiful: If you come home from a hard day at your job, why not head upstairs to your bathroom for some getaway time? You can draw a hot bath (especially nice on colder winters’ days) and add any number of reasonably priced bath products such as Suave Bath Gel.

After a long soak, you can emerge with wrinkled fingers and peaceful demeanor. Ready to take on the rest of your day. Like what’s for dinner…

If you rent your apartment, ask your landlord if he or she would mind your painting the bathroom a relaxing, pleasing shade such as sage green.

I did this once in a place I rented - it took me forever - but it made all the difference in the world. My bathroom was my sanctuary, my safe haven from the world. When my anxieties got out of control, sometimes I would take my bubble bath earlier than normal in my own little green forest - I added hanging spider plants in the window.

Some other tips: You can get an area rug rather than a bath mat for a more glamorous look. You might want to splurge on absorbent towels in a matching color although white is fine. You can hang them up or fold them and display them on a shelf. Before you know it, you’ve got your own little spa!

For your bathroom shower curtain, go for simple. One of my favorites was a plain rubber liner with lace on the outside I cut and hemmed - inexpensive.

If you have room, you can even add seating like a small covered chair or group things together by buying an old-fashioned table at a garage sale to hold your potions and lotions.

Finally, add some artistic touches to your getaway spa. Pressed flowers and plants framed on the wall go with your forest theme. Second-hand store boxes and dishes can hold soaps. A big vanilla candle on a pedestal adds the finishing soothing touch.

Happy stress-free time!

Warm wishes,

Claire

“The secret of joy in work is contained in one word:  Excellence.  To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.”

                                                                                   Pearl Buck

The other day I was heading to my car and noticed a bumper sticker on the car next to mine.  It read “Disability Mentoring Day - Shining a Spotlight on disABILITY!” 

I immediately went home and started web researching and here is what I found on this unique work opportunity:

Disability Mentoring Day (known as DMD) is a national program that fosters career development for students and job-seekers with disabilities through job shadowing and close up career experience.  The fields shadowed varied widely from the medical field (nurse’s aide) to law enforcement (police officer). 

If you would like to participate and be mentored on Disability Mentoring Day 2008 in your region of the country, please go to www.dmd-aapd.org for more information on your local contacts.

The purpose of this program is to create a bank of qualified workers and to offer people with disabilities focus and concentration on their desired careers. 

The website offers this exciting news:  Several people “were given opportunities by their mentor to either hold employment at their business or continue volunteering with their mentor.”

More disABILITY information:  The National Forum on Disability Issues, featuring the 2008 presidential candidates (invited) is a historic, nonpartisan forum on national disability policy to be held on July 26, 2008 at Veterans Memorial in Columbus, Ohio.

The venue allows us to welcome over a thousand Americans with disabilities and their friends and family (registration required) to attend the event and commemorate the 18th anniversary of our civil rights law, the Americans with Disabilities Act.

The forum will feature time slots for the presidential candidates to individually present their visions for the future of disability policy in America followed by questions from the audience, asked by Judy Woodruff, news anchor and journalist (”The News Hour with Jim Lehrer”), who will act as the Moderator. 

Some final news I picked up recently which you might like to know:  ABILITY Magazine is a bi-monthly (6 issues per year) magazine based in California.  The publication focuses on disability issues such as employment for people with disabilities.  A number of issues are featuring celebrities with disabilities or involved in activities related to disabilities including TV personality Jane Pauley.

To find out how to subscribe, please go to www.abilitymagazine.com.

That’s all for now.

Warm wishes,

Claire